When I was a little kid I had this belief in magic that was incomparable to anything else in my life, even to this day. It was something that never left me really and it dominated my mind.
I could run and play for days on end and there were feelings that filled me up that I could never explain. I used to think that it was a god figure giving me these feelings of power and of surety but as I got to be about 10 my belief in a God began to fade even though my belief in my ‘powers’ never really died.
I began to ask myself “what if…” questions. What if the world really had magic? What if I could be a pirate? What if I could go to college? What if I could actually fall in love? Love, magic, and traveling dominated my mind through high school and a majority of college, and it was always with that thought in my mind that I tried new things.
When I was in junior high I asked “what if I switched schools?” I didn’t hate my school, I actually really liked it, but I was curious about what other people’s schools looked like and wanted to know. So we found me a charter school and I left.
That charter school was interesting and scary for like a week, then I moved on to other “what if…” questions.
“What if I talked to this boy?”
“What if I tried this video class?”
“What if I read this philosophy book?”
“What if I joined the debate team?”
I was constantly curious and willing to jump into anything to see how deep it went. It created some of my biggest passions and some of my biggest failures. I have cried over the remains of my “what if…” questions as they withered into nothing and I have held them high when they succeeded.
That day that I asked “what if I wanted to graduate highschool with my associates degree?” was the first real game changer. My mom’s friend had done it and I didn’t see why I couldn’t either. So I asked “what if…” and jumped in and I don’t know if I fully realized how deep that pool was until I graduated and it was all over and I didn’t know what to do with my time.
“What if I went to Europe?”
This question wracked my mind for a solid year before I did anything about it, and my only regret is that I took so damn long to do that. It broke my heart to leave and the “what if I could go back?” question has been an obsession since this time last year.
But while I’m waiting for that “what if…” to work out I’m working on a few others. Like:
“What if I could be a professional writer?”
“What if I could teach the world about different forms of success?”
“What if I could teach some kid in my shoes how to do both?”
“What if I didn’t give up here?”
And that’s what I plan on finding out.
I started this blog to air out some dirty laundry and to get some writing under my belt, but I can’t let the past dictate how it runs anymore.
“What if I documented my road to success and actually made it as a writer?”